You are an imposter

And you are Among Us. Ahem.

Summary

You don't have an imposter syndrome. You are an imposter.

That's part of the deal to reach the point where you are not. Congratulation, you are aware that you suck.

And to do something about it, you will have to keep at it for a while.

You know

There is a pervasive idea in tech that if you have imposter syndrome, it's probably because you are competent. Idiots don't have imposter syndrome.

I don't think it's true at all.

I think if you have an imposter syndrome, it's likely because you are an imposter.

The good news is, most people you have met in your career, your friends and family, and even your heroes, have probably been in this situation too.

Most adults are kids in big meat suits, they fake it a lot.

Personally, I started to live like I was not completely worthless at 35. Not that I should be proud of it.

But it makes sense. If you believe humanity should do better, the first person you'll judge is you. The higher your standard, the longer it will take for you to reach them.

And according to how you know things could be, most people suck. And YOU suck. Badly.

The reasons why you suck are as diverse as there are people. Maybe you procrastinate, maybe you lie, maybe you work on something you know is not worth spending time on, maybe you don't know what you are doing, maybe the work you are producing is subpar, maybe there is something incredibly important you know you should be focusing on instead.

It doesn't matter really. The fact is, you know what you are doing is not right. But you are pretending it is anyway.

In our field, you can see it develop in a myriad of ways. The person that gets a job he has no idea how to do. The dev producing a report stating things as if she is an expert who knows what's up. The nagging feeling that you produce bad code, unstable software, and unusable rubbish compared to what you know and use every day. The knowledge could be contributing a PR to FOSS, opening a bug ticket, or being part of a group that actually has an impact. And of course, the guilt of being paid a lot of money to do so, while some people are working in shifts in factories for minimal wage.

All those things are real. This is not a syndrome. This is the truth.

You don't feel like crap because of some mental distortion, you do because you are right. And you know it deep down.

The path to get out of that hole is not to look the other way and tell yourself that you are not really an imposter. That it's just all in your mind.

The trick is to accept the human condition.

Because it's not a new problem, mankind has been dealing with this feeling for centuries, everywhere in the world.

We are beautiful because we aspire to be greater than ourselves. We look at the sky from the mud. And it hurts.

Plus, our society makes it necessary to do so. Between a culture of appearances and the fact we are always in motion, always wanting more, there are gaps everywhere to be filled. And we ask for the best of the best to do so, ignoring that they are already working on something else. The billions of links we need to stand all together can only be made mostly of the common man.

The way out of the slime faster is to grow out of it. And to do that, you need to ignore the shame, and practice, by doing precisely what you are doing right now. Because if you don't, it will be slower, and you will do more damage for longer.

It is a highly uncomfortable sight, and you have to look right at it, for a long, long time.

Easier said than done if you are acutely aware of causality. If you are a doctor in training, every mistake you make will hurt people, and yet, every attempt you don't make means you will become useful way later, and perform badly for longer.

Real life means real consequences.

However, you are responsible for your efforts, not for the results. All we can do is normalize responsibility, by recognizing that we do cause harm and act accordingly.

Staying in the dark, not moving, because we fear to do any damage, is not living.

And between this and the place where you are worthy of your own consideration lies the path of the imposter.

Now go code something.